Rekt... Tyrannosaurus Rekt.

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2015/08/27/baffoe-dear-bears-thanks-for-everything-sincerely-the-nfc-north/

By Tim Baffoe–

Greetings, loyalists of the Monsters of the Midway,
Ah, the air grows crisper. The leaves on trees begin to form a bold pattern commonly relegated to couches in the 1980s. The Chicago Bears are a mess. That must mean NFL football is back. Ain’t it grand?

We, your NFC North division mates, just want to give y’all and your favorite team big props for laying the groundwork for ensuring that you are the cousin at the get-together that drunkenly insults someone’s spouse and makes a lewd gesture in the family photo. Because dang if the Bears aren’t a mess.

Defensive stalwart Jeremiah Ratliff is suspended for the first three games, but at least those are just against the measly Green Bay Packers, Arizona Cardinals and Seattle Seahawks. They’re probably all out of playoff juice, right? Pass rushes are overrated anyway. Jared Allen and his jersey euphemism in the new 3-4 defense is comforting.

That’s why you have last year’s first-round pick, Kyle Fuller. Who hasn’t been able to cover anyone in practice. And who got beat by T.Y. Hilton on a 45-yard completion for which Fuller — the guy who was unsuccessful on the play — was penalized for taunting. At least 32-year-old Antrel Rolle is the last line of defense next to the reliable … rookie Adrian Amos?
So the Detroit Lions, with the game’s best receiver and Golden Tate will eat your Charles Tillman-less secondary alive. What about it bothers the Minnesota Vikings’ Mike Wallace?

And then there’s Aaron Rodgers. Oh no, he lost Jordy Nelson. Yeah, and now he’ll get Davante Adams 1,000 yards while Randall Cobb stays a Pro Bowler.

And as the NFC North has moved away from the “black and blue division” to one of offensive fireworks, you Bears at the moment are missing your top four — top four — receivers. And one of them is this year’s first-round pick. We never want to see anyone get hurt, but your Kevin White situation can’t help but make us LOL.

Especially the way your Bears brass handled it. Nothing adds to personnel headaches like a local media turning on you, and the Bears from the get-go of training camp did just about everything they could to piss off every beat writer in town. Your organization is so oddly clandestine that it’s become like North Korea, but instead of the Chairman of the Central Committee being a cigarette-smoking monkey with a state-approved haircut, you have George McCaskey.

(And we know McCaskey has sublime judgment — Ray McDonald, the guy McCaskey judged worthy of representing his family name, had he not lost his Bears gig for really proving he’s a garbage person just two months after being signed, would have been cut this week for being indicted on a rape charge.)
The Bears’ media policy: “Hey, let’s not allow reporters to tweet pics and news about practice like it’s our nuclear program or something.”

Smooth move there.
But at least you can take comfort in coach John Fox — who’s made it clear he considers the media subhuman — calling every flippin’ injury situation “day-to-day.” Alshon Jeffery is day-to-day for the last 14-plus days with a calf issue. The Bears defense is day-to-day with a mild case of Shea McClellin potentially starting.

And don’t think we forgot about the quarterback situation — cannon arm, so much potential. Yeah, all that’s great. At the end of the day, the most important player on your team is Jay Cutler.

His poor decisions on the field combined with the occasional ability to be very good average him out at an average quarterback who is too often below that. His best receiving option at the moment, tight end Martellus Bennett, is the latest teammate to be perceived to think Cutty is lacking in the intangible we all so love to wax philosophical about: leadership.

This prompts questions to Jay about the teammate’s comments — just like when the same occurred with Brian Urlacher and Brandon Marshall and … well … you get it. Then Jay responds professionally, and fans continue to think he’s a jerk. Rinse, repeat.
Yet the most delicious irony is that he’s actually the best QB your franchise has ever had. And it’s not nearly enough. And your fans will never like him.

Meanwhile, Teddy Bridgewater is getting really good in Minnesota, and everybody loves him. The rest of the NFC North giggles at you because you have one player you drafted prior to 2012 on your roster — Matt Forte — and he’ll probably be an Oakland Raider or something next year.

So we, the rest of the division, just wanted to let you know how much we appreciate the laughable transition you made from the pet store fire that was the Phil Emery/Marc Trestman fiasco to these more mature, hard-nosed makings of a hospital fire. This smarter, stricter coaching staff will squeeze six wins out of this turnip in order to just miss out on drafting one of the best three potential franchise quarterbacks in the next draft.
Here’s to a fun season. For some of us, at least.
Cheers,
The NFC North

Lol. Oakland reference


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

ID 10 Tango said:

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2015/08/27/baffoe-dear-bears-thanks-for-everything-sincerely-the-nfc-north/

By Tim Baffoe–

Greetings, loyalists of the Monsters of the Midway,
Ah, the air grows crisper. The leaves on trees begin to form a bold pattern commonly relegated to couches in the 1980s. The Chicago Bears are a mess. That must mean NFL football is back. Ain’t it grand?
We, your NFC North division mates, just want to give y’all and your favorite team big props for laying the groundwork for ensuring that you are the cousin at the get-together that drunkenly insults someone’s spouse and makes a lewd gesture in the family photo. Because dang if the Bears aren’t a mess.
Defensive stalwart Jeremiah Ratliff is suspended for the first three games, but at least those are just against the measly Green Bay Packers, Arizona Cardinals and Seattle Seahawks. They’re probably all out of playoff juice, right? Pass rushes are overrated anyway. Jared Allen and his jersey euphemism in the new 3-4 defense is comforting.
That’s why you have last year’s first-round pick, Kyle Fuller. Who hasn’t been able to cover anyone in practice. And who got beat by T.Y. Hilton on a 45-yard completion for which Fuller — the guy who was unsuccessful on the play — was penalized for taunting. At least 32-year-old Antrel Rolle is the last line of defense next to the reliable … rookie Adrian Amos?
So the Detroit Lions, with the game’s best receiver and Golden Tate will eat your Charles Tillman-less secondary alive. What about it bothers the Minnesota Vikings’ Mike Wallace?
And then there’s Aaron Rodgers. Oh no, he lost Jordy Nelson. Yeah, and now he’ll get Davante Adams 1,000 yards while Randall Cobb stays a Pro Bowler.
And as the NFC North has moved away from the “black and blue division” to one of offensive fireworks, you Bears at the moment are missing your top four — top four — receivers. And one of them is this year’s first-round pick. We never want to see anyone get hurt, but your Kevin White situation can’t help but make us LOL.
Especially the way your Bears brass handled it. Nothing adds to personnel headaches like a local media turning on you, and the Bears from the get-go of training camp did just about everything they could to piss off every beat writer in town. Your organization is so oddly clandestine that it’s become like North Korea, but instead of the Chairman of the Central Committee being a cigarette-smoking monkey with a state-approved haircut, you have George McCaskey.
(And we know McCaskey has sublime judgment — Ray McDonald, the guy McCaskey judged worthy of representing his family name, had he not lost his Bears gig for really proving he’s a garbage person just two months after being signed, would have been cut this week for being indicted on a rape charge.)
The Bears’ media policy: “Hey, let’s not allow reporters to tweet pics and news about practice like it’s our nuclear program or something.”
Smooth move there.
But at least you can take comfort in coach John Fox — who’s made it clear he considers the media subhuman — calling every flippin’ injury situation “day-to-day.” Alshon Jeffery is day-to-day for the last 14-plus days with a calf issue. The Bears defense is day-to-day with a mild case of Shea McClellin potentially starting.
And don’t think we forgot about the quarterback situation — cannon arm, so much potential. Yeah, all that’s great. At the end of the day, the most important player on your team is Jay Cutler.
His poor decisions on the field combined with the occasional ability to be very good average him out at an average quarterback who is too often below that. His best receiving option at the moment, tight end Martellus Bennett, is the latest teammate to be perceived to think Cutty is lacking in the intangible we all so love to wax philosophical about: leadership.
This prompts questions to Jay about the teammate’s comments — just like when the same occurred with Brian Urlacher and Brandon Marshall and … well … you get it. Then Jay responds professionally, and fans continue to think he’s a jerk. Rinse, repeat.
Yet the most delicious irony is that he’s actually the best QB your franchise has ever had. And it’s not nearly enough. And your fans will never like him.
Meanwhile, Teddy Bridgewater is getting really good in Minnesota, and everybody loves him. The rest of the NFC North giggles at you because you have one player you drafted prior to 2012 on your roster — Matt Forte — and he’ll probably be an Oakland Raider or something next year.
So we, the rest of the division, just wanted to let you know how much we appreciate the laughable transition you made from the pet store fire that was the Phil Emery/Marc Trestman fiasco to these more mature, hard-nosed makings of a hospital fire. This smarter, stricter coaching staff will squeeze six wins out of this turnip in order to just miss out on drafting one of the best three potential franchise quarterbacks in the next draft.
Here’s to a fun season. For some of us, at least.
Cheers,
The NFC North

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Almost crashed trying to scroll through this. Try a link next time please.

HeHateMe said:

Almost crashed trying to scroll through this. Try a link next time please.

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You mean like a link at the top? Like the one that's there? Like that kind of link?

Bears going 16-0 because go fuck yourself.

ID 10 Tango said:

You mean like a link at the top? Like the one that's there? Like that kind of link?

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Yeah thanks for that, must have missed it in that giant wall of text, plus some uber jerk in a Juke cut me off when I opened the thread. Sry bout that.

You're dumber than snake mittens

SUPERFAN said:

You're dumber than snake mittens

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This is the least excited I've been for a season in quite a while.

we're spinning our wheels until we find our next QB. I been saying this. This season is absolutely pointless if we're not actively tanking.

The only thing that's "rekt" here is the text formatting in the OP... jesus fucking christ...

0/10, would not open thread again

ikkoikki said:

we're spinning our wheels until we find our next QB. I been saying this. This season is absolutely pointless if we're not actively tanking.

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You should have seen the wheels on my Volvo spin when I pulled an evasive maneuver on that juke jerk.

Here's what he was saying this time last year.

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2014/07...ant-things-to-pay-attention-to-in-bears-camp/

When can we go back to blaming the offense for the Bears’ woes because it fits a narrative better?
Peanut Tillman and Briggs are a year older and wiser. That’s a bonus. In total, the D will probably have seven starters age 30 or older, and I will always side with veteran leadership in a game that exponentially ages a person’s body. Urlacher said the other day that he still talks to people on the team that he wants to talk to (Brian probably doesn’t have the number to Cutler’s carphone in the middle console of that van), so he’s basically like an extra coach but in the shadows. Cyrano de BEARgerac, if you will.
But with the additions of guys like Jared Allen and moving Shea McClellin to linebacker like they should’ve done with Chris Zorich years ago, I see no reason the 31st-ranked scoring defense of 2013 can’t be top five this year. And Bears football is just better when it’s not the prima donnas like Cutler, Brandon Marshall and Tony Fiammetta getting all the glory. I would begrudgingly take a team that puts up 45 points in Phoenix in February, but Super Bowls are better when grinded out and won at home. Make it happen, Rahm, if you want re-election.
If I had to nitpick, I had never heard of any of the defensive guys they drafted, so that’s a question mark.

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http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2014/09/03/baffoe-stop-undermining-trestman-his-veterans/

By Tim Baffoe-
(CBS) Most of my childhood ranged from chubby to portly, which allowed me to be fairly functional as a speed bump in the path of oncoming defensive linemen and linebackers in grade school football. High school football would require more agility and a great tolerance for pain, and thus my football career ended.
So maybe I just don’t “get it.” The buzzwords and catch phrases and narratives slathered on football players young and old to help better grease the gut feeling that running into people repeatedly isn’t normal.
“The importance of practice.” “Defense trying to jell.” “Full commitment to the game.”
“Me-first, excessive demonstrations … extra off-field attention.” “This has to be an issue within the organization.”
All those and more have been tossed around lately. Some are in criticism of Bears linebacker Lance Briggs being excused from practice in order to attend the opening of his new California restaurant Monday. Others are because wide receiver Brandon Marshall will be taping a TVshow each week this season.
A seven-time Pro Bowler in his 12th year of service to the same team missing a day of preparing for E.J. Manuel’s reign of terror this coming Sunday? One of the league’s most dominant receivers will be plane-hopping during the season to tape a TV show? Surely the machine will break down from a weak link in the chain of the domino effect or something something.
I thought we’d evolved beyond this stuff. Tell me what is lost from Briggs not being at being at a Monday practice. What was he going to do that would make Jon Bostic and Shea McClellin better? Marshall maybe getting jet lag on the team’s off day of Tuesday each week instead of rushing to a local studio Sunday evening while his bruises have yet to coagulate (which is totally fine for other players) — that’s going to affect his jump balls and manhandling of defensive backs on Sundays how exactly?
What do you the hand-wringer know that coach Marc Trestman does not? Because it’s probably safe to say the coach has earned the benefit of the doubt regarding unorthodox methods and some abandoning of square-jawed football tradition. This despite David Haugh insulting him with, “The uncommon courtesy that makes Trestman an exceptional man, if taken advantage of by savvy players, potentially makes him a vulnerable head coach.”
It’s as though proven NFL vets are shady, bored high school kids asking the clueless, good-natured substitute teacher to use the bathroom.
With Trestman stepping into a locker room that was severely smarting from the departures of a beloved former coach in Lovie Smith and team captain in Brian Urlacher, there was severe skepticism as to how the new guy would fare last year. Especially since the 2013 team had so many veterans who, like any of us, aren’t inclined to easily welcome change.
‘‘Not everybody’s bought in,” Jay Cutler said in July of 2013. “But that’s OK. We still have a lot of time.”
Over time, players did eventually warm to their new coach. To demand that Trestman needs to earn the right to let players he trusts do some non-football things is undermining an adult presumed by his superiors to be capable and responsible.
“‘The overriding philosophy is to get to know each other, to develop levels of trust between each other — coaches and players, players and coaches — and define our behavior through respect and humility,’’ Trestman was quoted in a Rick Morrissey column about a month ago. ‘‘That we’re going to respect everybody around us. We’re going to treat them in high regard, and we’re going to understand what humility means, which is that we’re a part of something bigger than ourselves.”
That “bigger” extends beyond the field, and Trestman knows it. Those questioning him now have also praised him for his relationships and trust with others, even some of the most troubled NFL names. With Briggs and Marshall, we see two players being criticized for preparing for life after football — something that so many sad stories have proved invaluable. It’s also something that garners a beloved 1985 Bear a major magazine feature piece.
Trestman is wisely not about to participate in such hypocrisy. Instead, he respects his players.
In that same column about trust, the Sun-Times’ Morrissey wrote, “The bigger point here is that there is no debating this is Trestman’s team,” along with insinuating that Martellus Bennett fighting and not hustling at practice was nothing to go overboard about. But now Trestman’s handling of his team for equally, if not less,benign stuff is “bizarre” and a “head-scratcher.”
From what we’ve observed so far, Trestman would need to prove he isn’t an otherwise competent personnel handler for this criticism to hold weight. Trestman doesn’t need to earn anything in that regard, because I’m pretty sure he “gets it.”

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This guy is a tool.

Dang...thought this would be about Grossman bitch slapping Matt Ryan and taking his job.

It was still pretty funny in a soul crushing kind of way.

Damn, I thought this would be about Rekt Grissman.

GB has the Packers and 2 dairy queens, Detroit is in Detroit nuff said, and MN has a few good walleye lakes I guess. Meanwhile I can't even begin to rave about all Chi town has to offer. So ya I'm real sad.

Is this guy mad they fired his guy Trestman and he thought they'd be a top 5 defense last year?

Shits hilarious. But I guess this is his job.

Op are you on drugs?