The stupid joke thread - PLease keep the jokes in here for the sake of the rest of us

Spunky Porkstacker

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A pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's steering wheel jammed into his pants.

"What's up with that?' asks the bar tender.

"Argh," replies the pirate. "It's drivin' me nuts!"

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I always liked that one. It was in one of the other joke threads, told a bit differently though.
 

DrGonzo

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Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

She lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.

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Warrior Spirit

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I once took my kids for a jog in the desert. I wanted to harden them and instill that warrior spirit in them. A couple of them ran ahead trying to show off. Then they came running back to me. They were out of breath and sweating buckets. My son said they saw a UFO land and 1 inch aliens got out of it. I told him it was just a mirage but he was insistent that they were real 1 inch aliens and would take me to see them and so he did. I came upon the 1 inch aliens and I said, "hey, are you really 1 inch aliens?". One of them replied, "No, we're just really very far away."
 

Warrior Spirit

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Told my wife I was going out for a walk. She asked how long I would be gone. I said the whole time.
 

Warrior Spirit

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My kid was in his closet throwing all the clothes out of it. I said, "hey, wtf ya doing?" He said, "I can't find my camouflage shirt!"
 

Monsieur Tirets

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then this thread should be contained within itself...


giphy.webp
 

Phibbulous

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I was driving by the prison the other day when I noticed a midget inmate escaping by scaling down the wall using a rope. When he got to the ground he turned and sneered at me and I thought, "That's a little condesending."
 

Phibbulous

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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.


But when I got home, all the signs were there.
 

Starion

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Thread "for the Sake"?

XPDNQzj.gif
 

Mdbearz

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What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.
 

Sparks500

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With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.

Wasn't it Larry Lujack who did the "Country song titles" segment?
One of them was: "My Wife ran off with my best friend, and I miss him"...
 

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