By all indications, Rip Hamilton is soon to be a Chicago Bull. Granted, it’s not a done deal and if you believe all of the media’s “sure things”, then Tracy McGrady would be a Bull and Doug Collins would have been our coach and Justin Bieber would actually be talented.
That being said…it’s gonna happen. Our old arch nemesis is gonna be our new go-to two. We’ve seen this video before, at least twice with the Pistons. Once with Dennis Rodman…worked out to the tune of 3 rings and once with Ben Wallace…worked out to the tune of lots of lost money and us finding out John Paxon is racist against headbands…and possibly afros. Me thinks this one will fall more into the Rodman scenario. Rip’s got a lot left in him, he’s 32, plays pretty good defense, can create his own shot and is largely considered a solid teammate. I mean, of course, aside from last year playing the role of Fletcher Christian to John Kuester’s William Bligh (look it up). Other than that…he’s been a good dude. I think his addition is a great fit and a smart move by Garn Paxman.
But, why stop there? Seriously…in case you hadn’t heard, DWIGHT HOWARD IS AVAILABLE. Yeah…that Dwight Howard. The dude who many people consider to be the most dominant player in the NBA. Easily the best Center in the league, a constant threat for 20 ppg and nearly 15 rpg a defensive juggernaut. Just an absolute friggin beast. He is the Leroyyyyyyyyyy Jeeeeeennnnnnnnnnkinsssss of the NBA. Allegedly he’s being shopped to three teams, the Nets, the Lakers and the Mavericks. Let’s be logical here for a second. Who are the Lakers gonna trade for him? Andrew Bynum? Get a clue people. Bynum sucks. He’s not good. He’s a fatter version, less healthier version of the guy Orlando just traded for…Glen “Big Baby” Davis. He’s played 82 games in a season a total of one time, which is one more times than the total number of All-Star games he’s made. Seriously, people are, as the kids say, “all up on his nuts” because he’s a 7′ Center wearing Purple and Gold and they’ve had some of the best according to NBA.com. But seriously, if Andrew Bynum plays for Minnesota, he’s just another meat head. Aside from that, the Lakers still have to try and make another trade which is borderline retarded by grabbing Chris Paul to play with Kobe and then getting rid of their only dependable size with Pao and Lamar going East…nice move, I hope Stern decides to stop crying and let it go through, because it’s a dumb trade for the Lakers and all it means is that ensures #8 will never catch #23 in the most important category–RINGS.
So, let’s talk about the Mavericks…same situation there. How does he fit? What are they gonna trade Dirk for him? Otherwise, who do they have to offer? Nobody with any size. So, that’s a stupid deal as well. It’s just for the Skip Bayless’s of the world to get their boy shorts in a bunch.
So that leaves the Nets. The Nets are offering Brook Lopez, and two first round picks. Okay, Brook Lopez, really? I mean, aside from having a name sounding like a super hot chick that should be gracing the cover of Maxim covered in nothing but Nutella and shame, what has he done exactly? Be tall? I mean seriously…18 ppg last year, that’s solid. But a 7′ with less than 9 RPG? That means he’s a stiff. Especially playing for a shitty team like the Nets. Two first round picks? Seeing that they are not a top 10 awful team, it means you’ll likely be out of the lottery, which is like going on Ashley Madison.com and finding the non fat chick that wants a “no-strings” relationship. And besides that, I don’t care if Jay Z owns 1% of them, I don’t care if Jay promises Beyonce will do a three way with Dwight and a former Destiny Child member to be named later…why the hell would you want to go to that team?
So why not the Bulls? If I’m Jar Forxon, I’m on the phone with Otis and I’m all like, “Otis…my man! Check this shit out: I’ll give you Joakim Noah, who aside from being the second best Center in the East is also a HUGE fan favorite from Florida and will make fans forgive you easier. I’ll also throw in our first round pick, which granted is going to be #32 for the next several years and Charlotte’s pick, whenever that magical pick actually becomes ours. For good measure, I’ll throw in Kyle Korver and we’ll take Hedo off your hands.” Then Otis would be all like, “Shit man, you know this! Boom…DONE”.
In the immortal words of Bob Swirsky, “We’re not talking three-peat or even four-peat, we’re talking a minimum eight or nine-peat!”
Seriously, Noah, our 1st round pick, Charlotte
‘s pick (which is essentially this: 2012 first round pick (protected top 14 in 2012, top 12 in 2013, top 10 in 2014, top 8 in 2015, unprotected in 2016), we get Howard and Hedo and call it a mother funbiscuit day!
Honestly, even taking off my custom made Derrick Rose colored glasses, they aren’t going to get a better deal than that and we’re not gonna make a better deal like that.
DO IT. DO IT NOW.