Shitting

HSBOB

Well-known member
Joined:
Oct 15, 2019
Posts:
3,583
Liked Posts:
3,281
Location:
Campton Hills
My favorite teams
  1. Chicago Blackhawks
How does a blind man know when he's done wiping his ass?
 

Dragon Slayer

Formerly Hawkeye
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '21
Joined:
Mar 1, 2015
Posts:
33,018
Liked Posts:
39,589
I am lol’ing at the thought of @bearmick sitting at his desk rolling his eyes every time someone from the shit brigade strolls on by to the bathroom
 

ijustposthere

Message Board Hero
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '20
Joined:
Aug 20, 2012
Posts:
33,374
Liked Posts:
27,841
Location:
Any-Town, USA
My favorite teams
  1. Chicago Cubs
  1. Chicago Bulls
  1. Chicago Bears
  1. Chicago Blackhawks
  1. Michigan Wolverines
  2. Purdue Boilermakers
If you are going to commit to it, bring up "time theft" with HR/your superior(s). Make it a full blown investigation...if only to keep this thread more entertaining than it should be.
You know you got this thread bookmarked
 

HSBOB

Well-known member
Joined:
Oct 15, 2019
Posts:
3,583
Liked Posts:
3,281
Location:
Campton Hills
My favorite teams
  1. Chicago Blackhawks
 

Gustavus Adolphus

?‍♂️?
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '20
Joined:
Jun 15, 2010
Posts:
44,286
Liked Posts:
38,738
My favorite teams
  1. Chicago White Sox
  1. Chicago Bulls
  1. Chicago Bears
  1. Nebraska Cornhuskers
  2. Villanova Wildcats
I think my body pretty much knows when it's a Saturday, because there's normally two shits before 8am. Everything just stores up for that day, and it's all gone.
 

airtime143

This place is dead and buried.
CCS Hall of Fame '21
Joined:
Aug 21, 2012
Posts:
14,954
Liked Posts:
16,589
Back in the day, one of our locations had a terrible layout.
It was a leased building not particularly suited to our needs, but any port in a storm.

My buddy drew the short straw on office selection.
Last one down a dead end hall, and the back wall of his office shared a wall with the women's bathroom.

The kicker was, the hallway facing side of his office was glass.
He was acutely aware of who pooped nice and quiet and who sounded like a poisoned water Buffalo.

Since we all behaved like children, every time an office lady strolled down the hall, we would conference call him for a report.

One of the girls would go to quarter beer night with us on Wed. Nights, and we quickly learned she paid the price on Thursdays.

Our buddy said it was like clockwork- at some point she would wander down the hall and he would hear ungodly noises 3 feet away from him through paper thin walls.

We of course had to hear.

Thursday rolls around, she strolls down the hall kind of hunched- looking, and the moment the ladies room door closed we all ran down to bills office.

I kid you not- it started with a booming, echoing hollow toilet blast and quickly devolved to a sputtering hose/empty ketchup bottle type splattering... then it sounded like someone dumping a bucket of mud and rocks in to a swimming pool.

We were dying trying to hold in the laughter.
One dude started snickering, but we held strong.
The noises tapered off.
Complete silence.
Another booming fart that trailed off in to a hiss.
A liquid gushing sound, followed by a ridiculous string of poppers.
We started giggling.
We hear a soft voice from the other side of the wall..."is someone listening?"

Bill says "no".
We all explode with laughter. She is calling us assholes and sick fucks.


On Friday we all get pulled in to the h.r. office.
The dude has no idea what to do.
He says he heard about the incident, he feels for the girl, but couldn't find any rules we broke.
He then says we shouldn't have laughed.

Fast forward 2 weeks, bill and the h.r. dude swap offices because no ladies would shit if Bill was there.
It took the h.r. dude less than a week to abandon the office and turn it in to a storage area.

He said there was no way he could sit and listen to that all day and still have a working relationship with the ladies of the office.
 

PrideisBears

Bully Mod
Staff member
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '21
Joined:
Jun 20, 2010
Posts:
38,159
Liked Posts:
32,802
Location:
In the mod forum planning your ban
In public restrooms, you get in and out as fast as you can but if you're at home, your kids keep bothering you, the restroom is most silent place in the house and all you want to do is finish the last episode if Wandavision ;you take your time
 

BaBaBlacksheep

Half Mod.
Staff member
CCS Hall of Fame '21
Joined:
Aug 20, 2012
Posts:
38,663
Liked Posts:
51,563
Depends on what I had for dinner the night before. If it's Tex Mex then look out.....

That being said I avoid shitting in public as much as possible. It's not enjoyable for anyone.
 

BaBaBlacksheep

Half Mod.
Staff member
CCS Hall of Fame '21
Joined:
Aug 20, 2012
Posts:
38,663
Liked Posts:
51,563
In public restrooms, you get in and out as fast as you can but if you're at home, your kids keep bothering you, the restroom is most silent place in the house and all you want to do is finish the last episode if Wandavision ;you take your time


The worst in when my kids try and have a conversation with me while I'm in there. Leave me the fuck alone! ?
 

didshereallysaythat

Well-known member
Joined:
Aug 14, 2011
Posts:
20,304
Liked Posts:
9,919
I am one of those people that will only to the toilet when I literally have to go. And then I go and it's done. I can't stimulate a bowel movement by merely sitting on the toilet like some people can. Either I have to go or I don't.

When we were in the office, there were 4 stalls and during the morning, there was a good chance all 4 were taken. And people grunt too. And use way too much toilet paper.
 

bearmick

Captain Objectivity
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '19
Joined:
Aug 20, 2012
Posts:
37,895
Liked Posts:
43,086
I am one of those people that will only to the toilet when I literally have to go. And then I go and it's done. I can't stimulate a bowel movement by merely sitting on the toilet like some people can. Either I have to go or I don't.

When we were in the office, there were 4 stalls and during the morning, there was a good chance all 4 were taken. And people grunt too. And use way too much toilet paper.

The only time I'll try to force it is if I'm running late in the morning and I need to get in the shower and I haven't gone yet. Shitting after a shower is gross so I do whatever I can to get the order right. Thankfully my insides seem to wake up shortly after I do and I generally go before I need to shower.

Shit, shower, coffee. That's the order I'm shooting for.
 

didshereallysaythat

Well-known member
Joined:
Aug 14, 2011
Posts:
20,304
Liked Posts:
9,919
The only time I'll try to force it is if I'm running late in the morning and I need to get in the shower and I haven't gone yet. Shitting after a shower is gross so I do whatever I can to get the order right. Thankfully my insides seem to wake up shortly after I do and I generally go before I need to shower.

Shit, shower, coffee. That's the order I'm shooting for.
I pretty much only drink coffee so I can shit. And another thing is... if I don't go by maybe 10 am, I am not going the whole day. When we go on vacation, I get the worst travelers constipation. Sucks.
 

Scoot26

Administrator
Staff member
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '20
Joined:
Jun 25, 2010
Posts:
39,763
Liked Posts:
29,899
Mine try to come in the bathroom. Locks are the best invention
I'm gonna have to start getting in the habit of locking the door. I currently don't if it's just me and my wife because I know she won't bust in. But when my daughter gets older, I am sure she will try.
 

PrideisBears

Bully Mod
Staff member
Donator
CCS Hall of Fame '21
Joined:
Jun 20, 2010
Posts:
38,159
Liked Posts:
32,802
Location:
In the mod forum planning your ban
I'm gonna have to start getting in the habit of locking the door. I currently don't if it's just me and my wife because I know she won't bust in. But when my daughter gets older, I am sure she will try.
How old is your daughter?
 

Top