Family Borrowing Money

[Ares]

Anyone been asked by family to borrow ("borrow")... money?

How'd you handle it.

 

[Crystallas]

Everyone is different. If they have no credibility, its hard to feel good about giving family money, and if they have a lot of credibility, then you do what you can to help.

The difference with family, is you are extended by others sometimes. Like if a sibling who has no credibility needs money, you could wind up with other family members that will hold it against you at some later date. Even if YOU have a lot of credibility when you need the help. People decide what karma is in their eyes.

The way I see it, you try to help those when you can, plain and simple. Just don't let them mistake kindness for weakness.

 

[Scoot26]

Anyone been asked by family to borrow ("borrow")... money?

How'd you handle it.

No, but I have a friend who is an expert on his family asking him for money.

He, like you, works in IT, made double-triple most of his family members. He got his brother a job with him so his brother is self-sufficient, made sure one sister got married to a guy with some dough, and got his other sister a job somewhere else making good money. There's only one sister who's a fuck up, probably because she's the oldest of the family and doesn't listen to anyone. He pays for a lot of her things, including medical bills (got in a DUI car accident she caused). He's supported his mom in various ways for some time.

Basically he isn't very good at saying no to them. But he also took over the father role when his dad died.

None of this helps you with your question. At all. So I'm sorry.

 

[Hawkeye OG]

Anyone been asked by family to borrow ("borrow")... money?

How'd you handle it.

Never been asked to give a family member a large sum of money. Some many different variables that would make me handle the situation differently. How much money? Is the guy a deadbeat? What's your relation to this person? Are you close? Have they asked for money before? What's the money being used for?

 

[jooo83]

IMO, if you are going to give a family member money you have to think of it as gift or it could blow up badly.

 

[Penny Traitor]

I don't let anyone borrow money from me because I am not a ****ing bank.

If it is a true hardship circumstance from someone as close to me as a family member, I would rather just give what I can and if the money comes back to me in any form...hooray!

 

[KittiesKorner]

fwiw, yes, I have lent family money, but only do so never expecting to get it back, and yes, it has bred resentment, especially because as the youngest, I was always pegged as the least reliable member of the family from birth; now I am the executor of both my parents' estates. Put a vig on it, or just make sure it's not so much that it will fuck up your bottom line

 

[HeHateMe]

I've not asked fam for money in times of need, but I've been given some here and there. Likewise ive given. Now sometimes ive had people ask me as if I had means to. Not to @Urblock but if means are reasonable, I give. #family

I give even when it's hard, if I can. It's not easy but i find ways because money is a tool, not something I will ever take with me to hell. Its literally just money.

 

[1COBearsfan]

Unless the asking family member has an up-front plan for repaying you you’re better off just considering anything given to family/friends as a gift.

My wife and I lent her brother and his wife a fairly substantial amount about 5 years ago to help with a down payment on a house they were looking at. This was in the Bay Area, way outside of San Fran, and for a house that already had some offers. The more they could put down, the better. Even before he finished asking he was explaining how they had a plan to pay us back, timeline and everything.

Any situation other than something like that you should just plan on never seeing any $$ back if you let it go

 

[HeHateMe]

Oh chit I read "borrow" as "give"

Sorry @Ares

 

[MDB111™]

Anyone been asked by family to borrow ("borrow")... money?

How'd you handle it.

My sister. Except she is my stepsister. She comes in my room everyday and is like
"stepbrother, I need money"
"I need help taking off my bra"

 

[nvanprooyen]

IMO, if you are going to give a family member money you have to think of it as gift or it could blow up badly.

This is 100% my principle.

Whether it's family, a friend, whatever...I always go into it looking at it like a gift, and if I happen to get it back, great.

If I'm not comfortable doing it under that mindset, I don't do it. Questioning every financial decision that the person makes will ruin relationships. E.g. why is this person spending money and having a good time based on this social media post, when they could be paying me back?!?

Bottom line, IF (and that's a big if) I give someone money, I do it with the expectation I'll never be paid back.

 

[number51]

In her youth my kid borrowed money from us all the time, and always paid back every cent. It's not a problem if you're dealing with a trustworthy person.

 

[ursamajor]

Anyone been asked by family to borrow ("borrow")... money?

How'd you handle it.

If you give it to them, consider it a gift. Don’t expect to get it back

 

[HeHateMe]

If you give it to them, consider it a gift. Don’t expect to get it back

Mindblowing advice.

 

[KittiesKorner]

I feel like a hypocrite thanking other people's posts about the gift v loan aspect, but I would just like to reiterate that some family members can be cunts

 

[Xuder O'Clam]

I have to agree. If I decide to give money to someone for something other than an expected roi, or a payment for goods or services, then I look at it as giving, not lending. If I can afford it, I'll help my family, whether a prince or a cunt.

 

[KittiesKorner]

shine on you chinook

 

[Xuder O'Clam]

One of my brother's recently turned into a gaping one. The signs were always there, but full blown gape is still shocking.

 

[KittiesKorner]

I liked but I mean sorry to hear that. You know what I mean. Sorry to hear it. Hope he gets his shit together.