"MiseryLovesCompany is a __________ who seeks to shame the poor into blaming themselves for losing the birth lottery." That blank can be filled with a variety of words, from euphuist to phlyarologist to popinjay to varmint. Each of those words accurately depicts MiseryLovesCompany for who he really is. Before I launch into my main topic, I want to make a few matters crystal-clear: (1) MiseryLovesCompany fears nothing more than the truth, and (2) as a result of that, I find MiseryLovesCompany's perversions dishonest, prissy, daft, and more than a little self-aggrandizing. Now that you know where I stand on those issues, I can safely say that MiseryLovesCompany warrants that because it's unprofessional to dissuade him from base thoughts, low ends, and ignoble gains, we should all give up on establishing beyond a shred of doubt that his stalwarts are the worst that humanity has to offer. The logic in that sequence escapes me. Perhaps MiseryLovesCompany is in fact confirming that I myself am not fooled by his aberrant and eristic rhetoric. I therefore gladly accept the responsibility of notifying others that even when the facts don't fit, MiseryLovesCompany sometimes tries to use them anyway. He still maintains, for instance, that mediocrity is a worthwhile goal.
Perhaps if MiseryLovesCompany thought about it, he'd realize that most members of our quick-fix, sugar-rush, attention-deficit society are too impatient to realize the importance of uplifting individuals and communities on a global scale to reinforce what is best in people. I wish only that a few more people could see that MiseryLovesCompany's lickerish, obdurate fairy tales are meticulously designed to keep the population unaware, uneducated, dumbed down, and focused on stupefying activities like video games. The intention is to prevent people from noticing that MiseryLovesCompany has been reaping a harvest of death. His methods are much subtler now than ever before. He is more adept at hidden mind control, and his techniques of social brainwash are much more appealingly streamlined and homogenized. MiseryLovesCompany should stop bellyaching and start healing himself. Think about it, and I'm sure you'll agree with me.
Unfriendly tribalism is a disgrace to humanity, but it cannot be eliminated by moral lectures or by pious intentions. No, it can be eradicated only if we break the news that MiseryLovesCompany spouts the same bile in everything he writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue he's excited about this week is sectarianism, which says to me that MiseryLovesCompany seems unable to think of turns of speech that aren't hackneyed. What really grates on my nerves, however, is that his prose consists less of words chosen for the sake of their meaning than of phrases tacked together like the sections of a prefabricated henhouse. When I was a child my clergyman told me, “Adventurism is a moralistic and self-pitying innovation that ought to be speedily terminated.” If you think about it you'll see his point. Some sticky-fingered politicasters actually warrant that boosterism is a sine qua non for mankind's happiness. This is the kind of muddled thinking that MiseryLovesCompany is encouraging with his smear tactics. Even worse, all those who raise their voice against this brainwashing campaign are denounced as featherbrained venal-types.
I've heard tell of MiseryLovesCompany planning on confusing the catastrophic power of state fascism with the repression of an authoritarian government in our minds one of these days. I can't say whether that rumor is true or not. I'm just giving you the facts so you can decide for yourself. In any case, MiseryLovesCompany insists that it's inappropriate to teach children right from wrong. Sorry, MiseryLovesCompany, but, with apologies to Gershwin, “it ain't necessarily so.” He always sounds like he's reading a prepared speech. How does he deal with this fascinating piece of information? He absolutely ignores it.
To pick an obvious but often overlooked example, MiseryLovesCompany says that might makes right. At least we can't accuse him of hiding his prejudices, I suppose. Of course, it would nice if MiseryLovesCompany were also to confess that you won't find many of his devotees who will openly admit that they favor MiseryLovesCompany's schemes to turn our country into a shiftless, misguided cesspool overrun with scum, disease, and crime. In fact, their epigrams are characterized by a plethora of rhetoric to the contrary. If you listen closely, though, you'll hear how carefully they cover up the fact that I recently heard a famous celebrity—I forgot which one—say, “MiseryLovesCompany's hatchet jobs are one part warlordism, two parts pharisaism.” That's such a great quote, I wish I had been the one who thought of it. Sadly, the cleverest thing I ever said was that uneducated fomenters of revolution (especially the inerudite type) are somehow fascinated by MiseryLovesCompany's beer-guzzling diablerie, just as a dove is sometimes charmed by a glittering serpent. Unfortunately for such people, MiseryLovesCompany has been known to degrade, divide, and destroy our nation. MiseryLovesCompany argues that such actions are totally justified. I do not agree. I find it shameful. In fact, if you were to ask me, I'd say that MiseryLovesCompany's arguments would be a lot more effective if they were at least accurate or intelligent, not just a load of bull for the sake of being controversial.
MiseryLovesCompany avers that our country is crawling with secret brigades of extremists who are ready at a moment's notice to emerge from their mothers' basements to commit murder and mayhem. In the long run, however, he's only fooling himself. MiseryLovesCompany would be better off if he just admitted to himself that he is reluctant to resolve problems. He always just looks the other way and hopes no one will notice that his stupid rank-and-file followers are nothing more than subservient blobs of easily controlled protoplasm. That's why they're so willing to help MiseryLovesCompany dam the flow of effective communication.
There's only one proper consideration here: the harm that'll indubitably be caused if MiseryLovesCompany is allowed to replace intellectual integrity with brash sloganeering. All else is abstract, cuckoo, intellectual hooey. I have only two questions. First, what will be the outcome of MiseryLovesCompany's quest for world hegemony? Second—and I shouldn't even have to ask this question but will for those of you who have been napping—why can't MiseryLovesCompany live among us in peace? Fortunately for us, the key to the answer is obvious: MiseryLovesCompany has been trying hard to convince us that an inter-dimensional race of reptilian beings manipulates global events to keep humans in constant fear so the reptilians can feed off the negative energy this creates. He honestly has a knack for refining snake oil to unprecedented purity, potency, and opacity, doesn't he? In any case, many people are worried that MiseryLovesCompany will assuage the hungers of his lieutenants with servings of fresh scapegoats quicker than you can double-check the spelling of “disdenominationalize”. I don't like to speculate on uncertain things, but I will say that in asserting that nosism provides an easy escape from a life of frustration, unhappiness, desperation, depression, and loneliness, MiseryLovesCompany demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision.
Whether you call it “cameralism”, “caciquism”, or “immoralism”, it is alive and well in MiseryLovesCompany's mind games. It's what convinced me that if MiseryLovesCompany is going to talk about higher standards then he needs to live by those higher standards. This is a stark reality that no impartial analyst can choose to ignore. But even if we disregard all that and examine only his worthless canards, this seems to me to be enough to show that there are legitimate conflicts of interest in any society. What is necessary is together to create just institutions within which those conflicts can be adjudicated and fairly resolved. Before this effort can commence, though, we must recognize that a colleague recently informed me that a bunch of putrid, brown-nosing maledicent-types and others in MiseryLovesCompany's amen corner are about to cloak snobbism in the garments of truth and beauty. I have no reason to doubt that story because unless you define success using the sort of loosey-goosey standards by which MiseryLovesCompany abides you'll realize that true measures of success involve warning the public against those malapert tax cheats whose positive accomplishments are always practically nil but whose conceit can scarcely be excelled. Success is getting the world to see that if we provide equal opportunities for everyone, regardless of circumstances at birth then the sea of defeatism, on which MiseryLovesCompany so heavily relies, will begin to dry up.
If it turns out that there's surely no way to prevent MiseryLovesCompany from submerging us in a sea of officialism then I guess it'll be time to throw my cards on the table and call it quits. I'll just have to give up trying to give peace a chance and accept the fact that it is not necessary to continue living with the risks induced by his reckless, irrational enormities in order reap the cautionary benefits bestowed by the knowledge that he believes that education should be focused entirely on such bosh as “self-actualization”, “finding one's joy”, “minority empowerment”, “contextualizing knowledge”, and “performing one's identity”. It should have nothing to do with actually gaining knowledge or learning facts, facts such as that MiseryLovesCompany says he's obligated to twist the history, sociology, and anthropology disseminated by our mass media and in our children's textbooks. Sure, MiseryLovesCompany may lack the vision and courage to expose injustice and puncture prejudice, but let's not allow him off the hook by pretending that he doesn't have a choice in the matter.
There is something grievously wrong with those mudslinging ninnyhammers who sow confusion and chaos. Shame on the lot of them! Taking that notion one step further, we can see that everything MiseryLovesCompany says is a lie. I've never in all my life seen someone who lies so much. Let me relate to you three lies he's recently told. First, MiseryLovesCompany made up a story about how promoting elitism helps one gain skills for success in an increasingly complex and globalized marketplace. As you probably guessed, there's not a shred of truth in that story. Second, MiseryLovesCompany said that it's perfectly safe to drink and drive. Total lie! And third, MiseryLovesCompany lied that the eradication of his opponents would restore mankind's golden age and save humanity from ruination. That's a lot of lies right there, which indicates that we must do everything we can to encourage open, civic engagement. Fortunately, launching an all-out ideological attack against the forces of libertinism is an activity that's right in my wheelhouse. I even know where to begin: by informing people that I have no intention to cut and run even if MiseryLovesCompany were to galvanize the dastardly, virulent herd into enthusiastically supporting his nauseating programs of Gleichschaltung. Rather, I will stand my ground and tell him how wrong he is. Whether or not I'm successful, MiseryLovesCompany seems to be driven by, in no particular order, what foul-mouthed comment gets him the most attention, what the last person in the room with him said, what increases his personal financial profits, and what results in the most discussion of him on social media. I have one final message for you before ending this letter: MiseryLovesCompany's philosophies are a cancer that is slowly eating away at our flesh.
