Where/When is The Worst Place/Time You've Ever Farted?

KittiesKorner

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Don't say 'church'. That's not interesting or amusing in the slightest.
 

airtime143

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I remember my best.
Standing with my lady in an elevator, the venetian in vegas.
A family gets on. mom, dad, 3 kids all pre teen or younger.

Doors close, and I fire off a loud, firecracker string fart.

I look dad dead in the eyes and said- "that will be with you shortly".

Thank god they all had a sense of humor- everyone busted up with laughter.
 

airtime143

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... to be honest, I cannot think of a bad place. It is always hilarious.
 

MDB111™

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I wanna hear it.
So 13 year old me is sitting in church(Catholic) and we all go up for communion. It is always kind of quiet in church but at this particular time it is very quiet. The previous rows are already back and kneeling. So it is my pews' turn to exit and go to get communion. As I slide across the pew, it separates my butt cheeks and I kid you not the loudest fart you could ever hear in church rips off the pew and echoes throughout the entire church. The middle section where I was at turns around in unison and I look at my buddy next to me and point at him and give the "ew face" He is fucking mortified. And he points at me but I'm like "no buddy, that was all you" So the entire church erupts in laughter and my buddy is ready to fist fight. Looking back, this was hilarious. If you can imagine a trumpet of a fart echoing like that in a quiet church full of kids, that's what it was.
 

Briggs is GOAT

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Farted on the serve in tennis. People sitting on the benches behind me all got it in the face.
 

Ares

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I hate to do elevator too but I had one of those beyond stereotypical ones.

Called the elevator on my floor at work to head home, got in and had that "Do I rip ass... what if someone gets in?"

I ripped ass, cuz fuk it 9/10 times it rides all the way to the lobby with no one getting in.

Elevator starts down and I think "Watch... this will be the one time it stops and a hot girl gets in"

And on queue it stopped and a hot girl got in lol

I couldn't help but lolz...

Elevator fart gods.... FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU
 

airtime143

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Cropdusting the line at starbucks, or an aisle at the grocery store is always a good time.
 

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Mine isn't that good. The usual elevator. What was unusual about the story is that I was alone in it and going down the the ground floor and I let one out that was a lingerer. I swear it stuck to the walls of the elevator. I get out and no one there so I'm walking away. Around the corner comes a typical professional employee group who gets into the elevator...and promptly gets out. I don't know how long the smell lasted but it hung around. Perfect stealth cropdust.

The winner in my book goes to my grandpa. Sometime in the 1970's he and my dad were working in the Hartford Building. My dad was on the 12th floor I believe, my Grandpa in the basement stairwell. My grandpa rips a themonuclear assblast that catches the right reverberation of the stairwell. My dad pokes his head in the stairwell on the 12th floor, "You down there pop?" My grandpa answers, "You heard that?" My dad replied, "The entire fucking building heard that!" cue ensuing laughter.
 

SERE Bear

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Receiving an awesome bj, farted when I came. I told her it was like how burping is a compliment to the chef in some cultures.... she didn’t buy it.
 

Dragon Slayer

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Mine also includes sex. A very forgettable one night stand with a slump buster my senior year of college. She was cute, but nothing to write home about. Met her at a party, had been drinking all night, didn't really think it was going anywhere so I was ready to cut ties when she asked if she wanted to go back to her place. We were both smashed. Did the whole sloppy foreplay thing. Grabbed a condom, flipped her over and right before I go to slide in, I just let it rip. Came out of nowhere really. She turned around and goes 'Did you just fart?' Not wanting to ruin the momentum, I ignored her, while LOL'ing in my head and gave her the wildest 2 minutes of her life I like to think while wafting in my own fart smell.

Finished up, I got out of bed, put my pants on. She asks again so I fess up. We both share a laugh. She asks me to stay. I said that's a no from me dawg and walked out. Woke up the next morning and just had these awful flashbacks of a night full of regret and shame.

Good times.
 

Gustavus Adolphus

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There’s really nothing better than crop dusting
 

airtime143

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We used to have morning meetings to dole out contractor workloads and locations. Boring, and for the most part pointless due to the nature and length of their tasks.

Many of the coordinators, myself included, were prone to having a couple beers or dinner with the crews at the end of the day.
As a gastrointestinal result, we had some pretty rough mornings.

Our director was an old marine roughneck, and found just as much humor in it as we did...which was great- because the manager hated the periodic explosions followed by giggles... but was powerless to put a stop to it. His boss would laugh him out of the office if he tried.

One morning, one of the rowdier gents was loaded and ready, awaiting his opportunity.
Manager says "any questions?"
At the moment of truth, my Co-worker leans to the side, lifts one cheek, and with a mighty push proceeds to loudly shit his pants.

He gambled and lost, and I have got to say the look of joy on his face as he began to push turning to absolute horror in a millisecond is one of the funniest things I have ever witnessed.
 

1COBearsfan

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Riding the bus in high school. My best friend and I were in the last row and I grunted one out . He and a girl across the aisle smelled it instantly and almost threw up. This was early in the school year so all the bus windows were down but it still traveled all the way to the front, even the bus driver noticed. We were laughing hysterically watching the wave of kids wave their hands frantically in front of their noses and screaming
 

1COBearsfan

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I actually have a close second place too

I went to a bar to watch mnf with some friends a long time ago. This place had free chili during the games and this particular night they also had a special on pitchers of Guinness. Obviously we had way too much of both, because it was delicious. The next day at work a friend that was at the bar, that I also worked with, and I walked, separately and without planning it, up to a group of co-workers and joined the bullshitting. A few minutes in I unloaded, but my friend did the same thing at the same time. Again, this wasn’t planned at all which makes it even better. Immediately everyone in the group turned green and scattered. The only two left were me and my buddy and we were laughing so hard we were crying. We both looked at each other and asked, “Did you just shit your pants too?”
 

MDB111™

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I actually have a close second place too

I went to a bar to watch mnf with some friends a long time ago. This place had free chili during the games and this particular night they also had a special on pitchers of Guinness. Obviously we had way too much of both, because it was delicious. The next day at work a friend that was at the bar, that I also worked with, and I walked, separately and without planning it, up to a group of co-workers and joined the bullshitting. A few minutes in I unloaded, but my friend did the same thing at the same time. Again, this wasn’t planned at all which makes it even better. Immediately everyone in the group turned green and scattered. The only two left were me and my buddy and we were laughing so hard we were crying. We both looked at each other and asked, “Did you just shit your pants too?”
That makes you both Asskimo brothers
 

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