Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Chicago Bears

[TheeUndyingFan]

He has an odd definition of “luck”.

The guy tries to make each of the 32 teams out to be the worst team in the league, he has to take certain liberties to do so....

 

[Black Rainbow]

If he’s this tough on Mitch, I wonder how tough he was on the 20 QBs who had worse passer ratings than him last year? Does he know Sam Darnold came in at #30?

Well, yeah, you gotta point. His critiques of Darnold were more about the coaches; but he did mention the QBR.

"The question isn’t if the Jets are going to screw up Sam Darnold, it’s how they’ll do it. Bringing him under Gase’s tutelage was a good start putting Darnold on the highway to ruin. I’m always willing to throw rookie QB stats aside. HOWEVER … when your rookie-year QBR is below Nick Mullens, and below a pre-injury Alex Smith, and below Derek Carr as Jon Gruden was actively trying to murder him … that is concerning. These are the Jets, after all. They were born to destroy Sam Darnold.

Your new backup is Trevor Siemian. No fanbase is better suited to recycle easy gags about that man’s last name than this one."

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

This is cool, because I really get a chance to see who doesn’t have a sense of humor.

 

[number51]

I look forward to this every year, like a kid looks forward to Christmas, not just the great writing, but even after all these years and the fact that the author does this for all 32 teams, there is at least one dumb fuck that gets worked up.

 

[Aquineas]

Can't stand this writer, and not for this Bears article (which I won't bother with).

 

[Broc]

Drew's entertaining even if he's a filthy Vikings fan. If that was the best he could come up with I'd say we're looking pretty good lol.

 

[Visionman]

This one just seems like he was trying way too hard. Not funny at all.

 

[Gustavus Adolphus]

This one just seems like he was trying way too hard. Not funny at all.

You’re a knob.

 

[Bearly]

Here's the paragraph you'd like the most...lol.

"Your quarterback: Mitch Trubisky, who currently resides in the Bortles Valley where you can be a top-3 draft pick and have people still be shocked when you do something capable on the field. The Bears have a tremendous roster yet they’re basically stuck with Steve Fuller at QB. Trubisky genuinely does not know how to play quarterback for the first three quarters of every game. He can occasionally throw dimes in crunch time, but it’s often in service of a comeback that his ineptitude forced him to stage in the first place. There are times when Mitch looks razor sharp, and then there are times when he looks like he just converted from playing slot receiver. "

You mean the Bortles that never had a 90 passer rating after 5 years vs Mitch that had a 95 in year 2?

 

[Chicago Staleys]

1 fucking sack from a high priced Defense. 15 pts against the 30the rank pass defense at home. This team sucks!! Onto 2020

 

[botfly10]

"None of that will stop fans from acting like Soldier Field is now the gauntlet through which any other NFC team must pass if they wanna go to the Super Bowl. Give a Chicagoan any chance to indulge in shameless arrogance and they’ll latch onto it like it’s a Vienna Beef footlong. These fans are like Skins fans in that they’ll interpret any current flash of success as a divine sign that their return to glory is both inevitable and swiftly forthcoming, and they’re like Browns fans in that they’re too fucking stupid to know any better. The double-doink may have paralyzed Matt Nagy, but not these meat-breathing snowhumpers. All they need is Akiem Hicks to score another touchdown at fullback to scrawl out SHADES OF ’85! in yellow mustard across their man-tits."

"You would think Bears fans would understand how to be football fans. They do not. They don’t know to shut the fuck up when their team is on offense. They don’t know how to attend a game without getting into a fistfight with a nearby fire hydrant. They think they’re a food town because they like bad pizza and salad on hot dogs. They’re all third graders. Chicago is like if Toronto were shittier. Chicagoans eat like they do on purpose so they can die early and not have to live in Chicago any more.The most famous people associated with the Bears are still everyone in the old SNL skit. All the Dick Wolf Chicago shows are pale imitations of the Dick Wolf shows set in New York. The only vegetable sold within city limits is giardiniera."


lulz

 

[bearmick]

This one just seems like he was trying way too hard. Not funny at all.

Disagree. Not hard enough.