It wasn't the moves that really scared me about your proposals as much (although most of them are very unrealistic.) But if you think a lineup of:
1) Starlin Castro SS
2) Tyler Colvin RF
3) Xavier Nady 1B
4) Malon Byrd CF
5) Chad Tracy 3B
6) Alfonso Soriano LF
7) Geovany Soto C
8) Darwin Barney...