Blackhawks 4 game win streak

Granada

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Evaluating the games along with the players who are producing.

Alright man, I'm going to try to help you out a little here:

First, you use way too many unnecessary words, in just about every single sentence. You also use way too many passive words. For example:

"The Chicago Blackhawks have basically felt adversity from every aspect of the universe in the hockey world stemming from the off season rebuild that started off in the month of June of 2022."

Your writing should be as concise as possible. This one sentence is the complete opposite of concise. It's weak writing when you say "have basically felt"...."basically" is too passive. Pick a definitive angle, and stick with it.

You should write: "The Chicago Blackhawks have faced (not "felt," try to use stronger verbiage) adversity..."

"In every aspect of the universe of the hockey world".....dude, you're trying too hard here. You don't need "universe" and "world" both in this sentence.

Honestly, you should just remove that part completely, but if you must have it, you should write: "The Chicago Blackhawks have faced adversity from (maybe works better here than "in") the hockey world..."

But what would even be better than that, would be if you just wrote: "The Chicago Blackhawks have faced adversity ever since their rebuild that started in the month of June, 2022." That's it. This gets your point across clearly and concisely. You don't need all this other word-garbage. Don't overload one sentence with information and don't value descriptive writing over conciseness.

Lastly, if you don't know what a run-on sentence is, study it, immediately. Less is more.

And learn proper grammar -- semi-colons, commas, periods, dashes, etc. -- they will help a lot with your flow, which right now is just endless and meandering.
 
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MassHavoc

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Alright man, I'm going to try to help you out a little here:

First, you use way too many unnecessary words, in just about every single sentence. You also use way too many passive words. For example:

"The Chicago Blackhawks have basically felt adversity from every aspect of the universe in the hockey world stemming from the off season rebuild that started off in the month of June of 2022."

Your writing should be as concise as possible. This one sentence is the complete opposite of concise. It's weak writing when you say "have basically felt"...."basically" is too passive. Pick a definitive angle, and stick with it.

You should write: "The Chicago Blackhawks have faced (not "felt," try to use stronger verbiage) adversity..."

"In every aspect of the universe of the hockey world".....dude, you're trying too hard here. You don't need "universe" and "world" both in this sentence.

Honestly, you should just remove that part completely, but if you must have it, you should write: "The Chicago Blackhawks have faced adversity from (maybe works better here than "in") the hockey world..."

But what would even be better than that, would be if you just wrote: "The Chicago Blackhawks have faced adversity ever since their rebuild that started in the month of June, 2022." That's it. This gets your point across clearly and concisely. You don't need all this other word-garbage. Don't overload one sentence with information and don't value descriptive writing over conciseness.

Lastly, if you don't know what a run-on sentence is, study it, immediately. Less is more.

And learn proper grammar -- semi-colons, commas, periods, dashes, etc. -- they will help a lot with your flow, which right now is just endless and meandering.
Don't bother. I'm convinced it's somehow an AI bot they are trying out.

You basically just said let me help you out. Learn how to write a sentence that is comprehensible.
 

Kool-Jet13

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My favorite teams
  1. Arizona Wildcats
Don't bother. I'm convinced it's somehow an AI bot they are trying out.

You basically just said let me help you out. Learn how to write a sentence that is comprehensible.
Thank you brother
 

Granada

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Wow, he just thanked you for calling him an AI bot. Lol.

And I was a little bit more specific than that, since I was offering constructive criticism. But instead of taking my advice he got offended, evidently. So be it.
 
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Savard18

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My favorite teams
  1. Chicago Blackhawks
Guys its a kid.....so just take it or leave it, just look at the profile.
 

MassHavoc

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Guys its a kid.....so just take it or leave it, just look at the profile.
Sadly I wish that were the case. But he also writes for at least two others sites and it's all just as bad. He linked his Twitter to the article profile
 
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