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Welcome to Cagbro's annual mock draft, presented to you by Lexus.
In this edition, I will not act as if I've e-scouted these kids because I haven't. I'm not a professional blogger with unlimited time to youtube all these prospects; I'm a normal man with a job that spent more time looking up cool pictures of the kids than scouting them. Also, I will not robot talk you like some other mock draft aficionado's. I will not armchair GM the fuck out of this thread or message board in the hopes of being discovered. I am a fucking fraud, I admit it! Further, I do not claim to have ANY sources at Halas Hall. I have no fucking clue what the cleaning crews within the building know, don't know, who they like, don't like, or any of the sorts; nor do I give a shit. It is my sincerest of hopes that after you read this, you log off in a great mood and go ream your old ladies ass out.
Round 1[Pick 11] Ezekiel Elliott, RB - Ohio State
This kid would make an ideal pick at 11. Having an unproven OC and a consistently inconsistent QB behind Center; what better to have than a pro-ready HB to help carry the load Offensively. He, Alshon, and White will make for a dynamic combo for years to come. If you don't like the pick, I hope you stay logged on and some dude named Raul packs your chicks cornpipe, chump.
Round 2[Pick #43] Jonathan Bullard, DE - Florida
Bullard has a 50/50 chance of making it to our pick in the 2nd. If he does, I skip to the podium like desburp entering a beer garden and select this powerhouse DE. He's a versatile player with the ability to slide along the DL but projects to an excellent 5-tech that will stuff the run while keeping the Backers behind him free and clear to roam and hit. Keep your fingers crossed come draft night that he's still on the board at #43, if he is, take those same crossed fingers and dunk them in your old ladies stinker. She'll love you for it.
Round 3[Pick #72] Xavien Howard, CB - Baylor
Xavien is a prototypical Fangio CB physically. I really like the size and style of play that he brings. We need to be able to bully WR's a bit more off the snap and this kid brings that type of presence. Our secondary will be much improved with the additions to the DL and LB corp, but we still need investments within this position group. He has some ball hawking traits just like your woman and it won't take long for you to fall for him the way you did for her.
Round 4[Pick #106] Isaac Seumalo, OG - Oregon State
This is one of my favorite picks in the draft. Mainly because he's considered a 3rd round pick and I have him falling to us in the 4th. Don't be a dorkchop and point that out. I am the reigning and defending CCS Mock Draft Champion so I can get away with this type of shit. Adding to our depth on the OL with the potential to start at Guard or Center is a no-brainer and represents great value with the 106th pick. You are welcome.
Round 4[Pick #127] Miles Killebrew, SS - Southern Utah
Cant even lie, I'm making this pick because he kinda looks like Mike Brown. Both physically, and physically. He can play in the box and make a real mess of things, just like me after drinking rum n cokes all day and digging in my boo's limahole.
Round 5[Pick #150] Daniel Braverman, WR - Western Michigan
What's not to like with this selection? We're missing a fiery spitfire WR and this guy has it. He's only 170 pounds but give him a year eating with Robbie and he should be able to add 4-5 pounds of muscle to his frame. With Alshon and White creating problems downfield, expect Braverman to kill shit underneath. I don't see any reason why he won't have a special rookie campaign racking up 800 yards, on 65 catches with 5 TD's. He may even compete with Ezekiel Elliott for Rookie of the Year honors. #Imagine
Round 6[Pick #185] Dominique Alexander, ILB - Oklahoma
Alexander is more of an athlete than football player at this point but with his natural gifts and tweener traits Fangio and company will find creative ways for him to eventually see the field. A year of film study and this dude could be a real asset to our D. Could play ILB or Safety down the line but will immediately make an impact on Special Teams. Fuck else do you expect, he's a 6th round pick.
Round 6[Pick #206] De'Vondre Campbell, OLB - Minnesota
A situational rusher/Special Teamer that given the chance could very well have a HOF type career. That pretty much covers all the bases.
Round 7[Pick #230] Chris Swain, FB - Navy
I can't wait to see this kid come through the LOS and put his helmet right in Clay Matthews chest while Elliot walks into the endzone. Gonna be fun to watch if he makes the team.
Thanks for your attention and participation during this fine event. I look forward to submitting my annual mock draft next year, hopefully as your 2 time defending CCS Mock Draft Champion.
The pleasure has been mine, Cago
In this edition, I will not act as if I've e-scouted these kids because I haven't. I'm not a professional blogger with unlimited time to youtube all these prospects; I'm a normal man with a job that spent more time looking up cool pictures of the kids than scouting them. Also, I will not robot talk you like some other mock draft aficionado's. I will not armchair GM the fuck out of this thread or message board in the hopes of being discovered. I am a fucking fraud, I admit it! Further, I do not claim to have ANY sources at Halas Hall. I have no fucking clue what the cleaning crews within the building know, don't know, who they like, don't like, or any of the sorts; nor do I give a shit. It is my sincerest of hopes that after you read this, you log off in a great mood and go ream your old ladies ass out.
Round 1[Pick 11] Ezekiel Elliott, RB - Ohio State
This kid would make an ideal pick at 11. Having an unproven OC and a consistently inconsistent QB behind Center; what better to have than a pro-ready HB to help carry the load Offensively. He, Alshon, and White will make for a dynamic combo for years to come. If you don't like the pick, I hope you stay logged on and some dude named Raul packs your chicks cornpipe, chump.
Round 2[Pick #43] Jonathan Bullard, DE - Florida
Bullard has a 50/50 chance of making it to our pick in the 2nd. If he does, I skip to the podium like desburp entering a beer garden and select this powerhouse DE. He's a versatile player with the ability to slide along the DL but projects to an excellent 5-tech that will stuff the run while keeping the Backers behind him free and clear to roam and hit. Keep your fingers crossed come draft night that he's still on the board at #43, if he is, take those same crossed fingers and dunk them in your old ladies stinker. She'll love you for it.
Round 3[Pick #72] Xavien Howard, CB - Baylor
Xavien is a prototypical Fangio CB physically. I really like the size and style of play that he brings. We need to be able to bully WR's a bit more off the snap and this kid brings that type of presence. Our secondary will be much improved with the additions to the DL and LB corp, but we still need investments within this position group. He has some ball hawking traits just like your woman and it won't take long for you to fall for him the way you did for her.
Round 4[Pick #106] Isaac Seumalo, OG - Oregon State
This is one of my favorite picks in the draft. Mainly because he's considered a 3rd round pick and I have him falling to us in the 4th. Don't be a dorkchop and point that out. I am the reigning and defending CCS Mock Draft Champion so I can get away with this type of shit. Adding to our depth on the OL with the potential to start at Guard or Center is a no-brainer and represents great value with the 106th pick. You are welcome.
Round 4[Pick #127] Miles Killebrew, SS - Southern Utah
Cant even lie, I'm making this pick because he kinda looks like Mike Brown. Both physically, and physically. He can play in the box and make a real mess of things, just like me after drinking rum n cokes all day and digging in my boo's limahole.
Round 5[Pick #150] Daniel Braverman, WR - Western Michigan
What's not to like with this selection? We're missing a fiery spitfire WR and this guy has it. He's only 170 pounds but give him a year eating with Robbie and he should be able to add 4-5 pounds of muscle to his frame. With Alshon and White creating problems downfield, expect Braverman to kill shit underneath. I don't see any reason why he won't have a special rookie campaign racking up 800 yards, on 65 catches with 5 TD's. He may even compete with Ezekiel Elliott for Rookie of the Year honors. #Imagine
Round 6[Pick #185] Dominique Alexander, ILB - Oklahoma
Alexander is more of an athlete than football player at this point but with his natural gifts and tweener traits Fangio and company will find creative ways for him to eventually see the field. A year of film study and this dude could be a real asset to our D. Could play ILB or Safety down the line but will immediately make an impact on Special Teams. Fuck else do you expect, he's a 6th round pick.
Round 6[Pick #206] De'Vondre Campbell, OLB - Minnesota
A situational rusher/Special Teamer that given the chance could very well have a HOF type career. That pretty much covers all the bases.
Round 7[Pick #230] Chris Swain, FB - Navy
I can't wait to see this kid come through the LOS and put his helmet right in Clay Matthews chest while Elliot walks into the endzone. Gonna be fun to watch if he makes the team.
Thanks for your attention and participation during this fine event. I look forward to submitting my annual mock draft next year, hopefully as your 2 time defending CCS Mock Draft Champion.
The pleasure has been mine, Cago
