dentfan
No gods! No Masters!
- Joined:
- Apr 28, 2013
- Posts:
- 4,908
- Liked Posts:
- 4,363
Mock Draft for Houston pick 12 Doomsday scenario.
Big Poles sits down. His partna’ “Cut You” Cunningham sits across from him. The cards are dealt. It's time for Spades. The big 3 talents are on the board, the Bears having been on the clock since Lovie fucked his GM in epic fashion. Sade couldn’t sing a better love song than what Chicago felt for Lovie in that moment.
Poles makes a big play. He knows that Houston wants two things: A QB and a difference maker on D. He decides to give them both. He also knows that Houston holds two potential top 5 picks in next year’s draft. There is a direct possibility that, not only do we have 3 picks in next year’s draft, we also have a chance to draft Caleb Williams or Drake Mays, and Marvin Harrison. Poles is giving Fields this year. Fair enough. He is hedging that if Fields blows up like he should, his next year’s picks will be Marvin Harrison and Joe Alt or whoever else is the top non QB pick.
The trade is simple Houston gives us 1:12, 2:33, 3:65, 5:138, their 2024 1st, and Cleveland’s 2024 1st and 4th. We give them our 1st overall. Houston drafts Young and Anderson 1 & 2. We have a good chance of doing the same next year thanks to Mr. Massage’s play in Cleveland. Poor Cleveland; can’t catch a break; amirite? Oh well. Their pain – our gain.
Bijan goes 5 to Seattle, Gonzalez goes 6 to Detroit, Addison goes 7 to Atlanta, and Paris goes 11 to Tenn. We gambled and lost.
12.) Trenton Simpson, Clemson, DWeapon – Just exactly what does he play? How about a hand in the dirt DE? How about Safety? How about LB? This guy is an Offenses worst nightmare. He allows us to play 3 LBs and still be in a “nickel”! And I know, how is it Nickel if there are 3 LBers? That's the point. He can show one look and creep up, put his hand in the dirt and pass rush. He actually has bend. He is everything people hope Anderson could do as a weapon that is moved around the D, but he has actually been doing that. People groan that we took an offball LB in the first round, despite what Eberflus said. Da ‘Flus laughs because he was playing the long con. The worst thing Simpson becomes is an all pro WLB. He may be a top pass rusher!
33.) Andre Carter II, Army, DE – This guy has the length of a 6’10” dude. Seriously. He’s a bendy freak. He has a work ethic one only gets in the military. Watching him play was watching the opponent run everything away from him and him still running down plays and QBs. He can also play WLB. He’s that athletic. Eberflus gets another key weapon in his system.
53.) Keion White, Wake Forest, DL – Calijah Kancy and Dalton Kincaid were on the board. It looks like Poles reaches! People are pissed. Dawand Jones and Siaki Ika are there! Why grab this guy. We actually may have just gotten our 3tech who can also play DE. Poles is smiling.
64.) Byron Young, Tenn, DL – Another overaged prospect from Tennessee with a shit ton of athletic ability and upside. Why? This guy is an athletic marvel that has no business not going in the first round. He falls because of his age and the fact that he’s barely played football. He becomes another weapon that can play either the line or be moved outside. Eberflus now has weapons and a dangerous young defense that legitimately scares people.
65.) Jaelyn Duncan, Maryland, OT – Way too mean and uber-athletic? Likes to hurt people. That’s our man. He eventually becomes our starting LG and beats out Whitehair sometime in the season.
109.) Tyler Steen, Alabama, OT – Good at the Senior Bowl? Check. Hyper-athletic? Check. Fast and able to pull? Yup. With his arms a bit shorter than Poles’d like, he may move inside and eventually be our C.
133.) Roschon Johnson, Texas, RB – Bootleg Bijan. There were many times when I was watching Bijan, I’d think it was him running, but it was Roschon. He is also a former QB, so there’s that as well. We get the big back that can take a cut and go and truck a motherfucker.
137.) Keaton Mitchell, East Carolina, RB – We get the yin to Johnson’s Yang! Heh heh. I watched him play against Coastal Carolina, and he made the other players look like they were standing still. He has that speed. With Deuce Vaugn off the board, we get a smaller back that has the potential to make big plays. Poles makes a slight reach for the chance for game breaking upside.
138.) Charlie Jones, Purdue, WR – We take a long look at Michael Wilson and his height, but the injuries make us say no. We let him keep on falling. We get a guy who is very fast and has great hands. He becomes our slot. He’s big, shifty, and can catch in traffic. He becomes Fields’ safety blanket.
159.) Anthony Johnson, Virginia, CB – he’s 6’2” and a master of press man. He allows for more of a hybrid to occur within the Tampa 2 Shell, especially with two good Safeties in Action Jackson and Brisker. Again, size, some speed, and the ability to jam? Yeah. We can teach the intricacies of zone if he’s sticky enough to play man.
220.) Xavier Smith, Florida A&M WR– 509 players and WRs on the NFL Mock Draft Database and his name isn’t even on it? Who the fuck is this guy? Yeah. He’s a playmaker. This is a dude you draft in the 7th as a why the fuck not. You all need to watch this motherfucker. Word.
Poles and Cunningham look up. They’re done. They slow played their hands, made their books, and, though it got hairy there at the onset, they set the league. They now have a nasty Defense, athletic beef on the OL, and made a run for playmakers late. They turned around doomsday.
Big Poles sits down. His partna’ “Cut You” Cunningham sits across from him. The cards are dealt. It's time for Spades. The big 3 talents are on the board, the Bears having been on the clock since Lovie fucked his GM in epic fashion. Sade couldn’t sing a better love song than what Chicago felt for Lovie in that moment.
Poles makes a big play. He knows that Houston wants two things: A QB and a difference maker on D. He decides to give them both. He also knows that Houston holds two potential top 5 picks in next year’s draft. There is a direct possibility that, not only do we have 3 picks in next year’s draft, we also have a chance to draft Caleb Williams or Drake Mays, and Marvin Harrison. Poles is giving Fields this year. Fair enough. He is hedging that if Fields blows up like he should, his next year’s picks will be Marvin Harrison and Joe Alt or whoever else is the top non QB pick.
The trade is simple Houston gives us 1:12, 2:33, 3:65, 5:138, their 2024 1st, and Cleveland’s 2024 1st and 4th. We give them our 1st overall. Houston drafts Young and Anderson 1 & 2. We have a good chance of doing the same next year thanks to Mr. Massage’s play in Cleveland. Poor Cleveland; can’t catch a break; amirite? Oh well. Their pain – our gain.
Bijan goes 5 to Seattle, Gonzalez goes 6 to Detroit, Addison goes 7 to Atlanta, and Paris goes 11 to Tenn. We gambled and lost.
12.) Trenton Simpson, Clemson, DWeapon – Just exactly what does he play? How about a hand in the dirt DE? How about Safety? How about LB? This guy is an Offenses worst nightmare. He allows us to play 3 LBs and still be in a “nickel”! And I know, how is it Nickel if there are 3 LBers? That's the point. He can show one look and creep up, put his hand in the dirt and pass rush. He actually has bend. He is everything people hope Anderson could do as a weapon that is moved around the D, but he has actually been doing that. People groan that we took an offball LB in the first round, despite what Eberflus said. Da ‘Flus laughs because he was playing the long con. The worst thing Simpson becomes is an all pro WLB. He may be a top pass rusher!
33.) Andre Carter II, Army, DE – This guy has the length of a 6’10” dude. Seriously. He’s a bendy freak. He has a work ethic one only gets in the military. Watching him play was watching the opponent run everything away from him and him still running down plays and QBs. He can also play WLB. He’s that athletic. Eberflus gets another key weapon in his system.
53.) Keion White, Wake Forest, DL – Calijah Kancy and Dalton Kincaid were on the board. It looks like Poles reaches! People are pissed. Dawand Jones and Siaki Ika are there! Why grab this guy. We actually may have just gotten our 3tech who can also play DE. Poles is smiling.
64.) Byron Young, Tenn, DL – Another overaged prospect from Tennessee with a shit ton of athletic ability and upside. Why? This guy is an athletic marvel that has no business not going in the first round. He falls because of his age and the fact that he’s barely played football. He becomes another weapon that can play either the line or be moved outside. Eberflus now has weapons and a dangerous young defense that legitimately scares people.
65.) Jaelyn Duncan, Maryland, OT – Way too mean and uber-athletic? Likes to hurt people. That’s our man. He eventually becomes our starting LG and beats out Whitehair sometime in the season.
109.) Tyler Steen, Alabama, OT – Good at the Senior Bowl? Check. Hyper-athletic? Check. Fast and able to pull? Yup. With his arms a bit shorter than Poles’d like, he may move inside and eventually be our C.
133.) Roschon Johnson, Texas, RB – Bootleg Bijan. There were many times when I was watching Bijan, I’d think it was him running, but it was Roschon. He is also a former QB, so there’s that as well. We get the big back that can take a cut and go and truck a motherfucker.
137.) Keaton Mitchell, East Carolina, RB – We get the yin to Johnson’s Yang! Heh heh. I watched him play against Coastal Carolina, and he made the other players look like they were standing still. He has that speed. With Deuce Vaugn off the board, we get a smaller back that has the potential to make big plays. Poles makes a slight reach for the chance for game breaking upside.
138.) Charlie Jones, Purdue, WR – We take a long look at Michael Wilson and his height, but the injuries make us say no. We let him keep on falling. We get a guy who is very fast and has great hands. He becomes our slot. He’s big, shifty, and can catch in traffic. He becomes Fields’ safety blanket.
159.) Anthony Johnson, Virginia, CB – he’s 6’2” and a master of press man. He allows for more of a hybrid to occur within the Tampa 2 Shell, especially with two good Safeties in Action Jackson and Brisker. Again, size, some speed, and the ability to jam? Yeah. We can teach the intricacies of zone if he’s sticky enough to play man.
220.) Xavier Smith, Florida A&M WR– 509 players and WRs on the NFL Mock Draft Database and his name isn’t even on it? Who the fuck is this guy? Yeah. He’s a playmaker. This is a dude you draft in the 7th as a why the fuck not. You all need to watch this motherfucker. Word.
Poles and Cunningham look up. They’re done. They slow played their hands, made their books, and, though it got hairy there at the onset, they set the league. They now have a nasty Defense, athletic beef on the OL, and made a run for playmakers late. They turned around doomsday.
