Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Chicago Bears

[TheeUndyingFan]

Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Chicago Bears

Here it is, looking for input from @Visionman here specifically. Thanks!

 

[Dragon Slayer]

At heart, they remain a rundown family business operated by a bunch of skinflints who find the actual staging of Bears football games to be a necessary irritant on their way to compiling flash money for weekend trips to Lake Geneva.

Roasted

 

[DC]

ALWAYS look forward to Drew's articles. Thanks for posting.

 

[HeHateMe]

This article is ****ING ****SHIT. I would like to see the writer tell Akeim Hicks or Kahlil Mack that the bears stuck and see what what happens next. Actually he could try to peddle this garbage right to my face and I would probably put my palm through his face via his nose bone and shatter it into his brain then maybe he would think twice before writing such drivel. **** him and any other nerdy ass writer that thinks they can put this kinda crap out and expect anyone to think they have any credibility. Garbage ass article.

 

[Chief Walking Stick]

This article is ****ING ****SHIT. I would like to see the writer tell Akeim Hicks or Kahlil Mack that the bears stuck and see what what happens next. Actually he could try to peddle this garbage right to my face and I would probably put my palm through his face via his nose bone and shatter it into his brain then maybe he would think twice before writing such drivel. **** him and any other nerdy ass writer that thinks they can put this kinda crap out and expect anyone to think they have any credibility. Garbage ass article.

Mostly agreed. He would have been right if he railed on the longsnapping but he conveniently left that out.

Smh

 

[sevvy]

What was my Dad’s opinion towards our prized possession Khalil Mack? “Paid the stupid fuck too much money and he can’t even play offense.” I’m not kidding. Who does my dad blame for the Bears loss to the Eagles? Khalil Mack. “He didn’t do anything.”
Bears fans deserved Parkey’s double-doink.

Which one of you geniuses is dad?

 

[bearmick]

I thought the mustard on the man tits line was funny.

That's about it.

These kind of bits aren't built for the long haul.

 

[Bearly]

Tried but couldn't read.

 

[MDB111™]

Doink Doink Doubledy DOinky Doink

 

[redgrange19]

Meh, annoying and lazy lack of research.

 

[MDB111™]

Meh, annoying and lazy lack of research.

low hanging fruit huh?

 

[GoBears]

Pretty happy that the best he could come up with was our fired kicker, Mitch and that our offense hasn't changed---did he write this before we drafted Montgomery? Reading how little he had against us makes me think this team is stronger than I thought.

 

[Black Rainbow]

Tried but couldn't read.

Here's the paragraph you'd like the most...lol.

"Your quarterback: Mitch Trubisky, who currently resides in the Bortles Valley where you can be a top-3 draft pick and have people still be shocked when you do something capable on the field. The Bears have a tremendous roster yet they’re basically stuck with Steve Fuller at QB. Trubisky genuinely does not know how to play quarterback for the first three quarters of every game. He can occasionally throw dimes in crunch time, but it’s often in service of a comeback that his ineptitude forced him to stage in the first place. There are times when Mitch looks razor sharp, and then there are times when he looks like he just converted from playing slot receiver. "

 

[bearmick]

Trubisky genuinely does not know how to play quarterback for the first three quarters of every game.

I think this is what the homers mean by "clutch".

 

[Black Rainbow]

Meh, annoying and lazy lack of research.

His articles are hyperbolic for entertainment purposes. The whole theme is "why your team sucks" and I think he does all of them. He's going to have to exaggerate a lot for a team that won 12 games.

 

[Black Rainbow]

I think this is what the homers mean by "clutch".

That really was one of my concerns last year. After we were done playing the cupcake AFC East teams, we were on a stretch where in gerneral, we scored early in the first quarter...then everything dries up and nothing but FGs until the fourth quarter.

The games didn't seem that close because the defense was so good, and they would score for us at times.

 

[Visionman]

That was really horrible. Made me want to pull a Kyle Long on this deadspin writer....

 

[TheeUndyingFan]

That was really horrible. Made me want to pull a Kyle Long on this deadspin writer....

This was the exact reason why I posted it. I literally posted it for you. Maybe if you didn't have the entire board on ignore you'd figure out it's not meant to be taken seriously, because you don't have the depth to figure it out on your own.

 

[Toast88]

It is painfully obvious by now that, with the notable exception of the Khalil Mack trade, that the Bears essentially lucked into success a season ago and now have absolutely no idea what to do with it.

He has an odd definition of “luck”.

 

[Toast88]

Here's the paragraph you'd like the most...lol.

"Your quarterback: Mitch Trubisky, who currently resides in the Bortles Valley where you can be a top-3 draft pick and have people still be shocked when you do something capable on the field. The Bears have a tremendous roster yet they’re basically stuck with Steve Fuller at QB. Trubisky genuinely does not know how to play quarterback for the first three quarters of every game. He can occasionally throw dimes in crunch time, but it’s often in service of a comeback that his ineptitude forced him to stage in the first place. There are times when Mitch looks razor sharp, and then there are times when he looks like he just converted from playing slot receiver. "

If he’s this tough on Mitch, I wonder how tough he was on the 20 QBs who had worse passer ratings than him last year? Does he know Sam Darnold came in at #30?