Now what?

Initially, I had planned my first article for to be about something light-hearted. I was leaning towards one of the following angles, both concentrating on how the NFL has become the Nancyboy Football League.

–Angle 1: DJ Moore gets ripped down by his helmet from punk-ass, apple-head Matthew Stafford and of course, using the amount of logic it takes to microwave a can of spam, the NFL ejects Moore for retaliation and then of course fines him $15,000. Obviously, Stafford was not ejected and was only fined $7500. Clearly, the reasoning is akin to robbing a liquor store, shooting the clerk, him shooting back at you and the police taking him off to jail and giving you free slurpees for life. LOGIC.

–Angle 2: Because protecting QB’s isn’t the only thing concerning NFL Ken Doll, Roger Goodell, the NFL essentially threatened to throw Earl Bennett out of the game if he had the audacity to wear his orange cleats again. Who the hell is running the front office, Isaac Mizrahi? Why in poo-perfect hell does anyone care what color cleats the man wears? Seriously…get a damned grip.

Anyway, it’s all moot now. Because, if you haven’t heard because, maybe you went on a crazy meth binge after the Beloved stomped the Chargers last night. Our playoff hopes took a large tumble yesterday due to an awful injury.

After starting the season with all the predictability of Lindsay Lohan at an Amy Winehouse memorial party, the Bears found some consistency and have reeled off a very impressive run of 5 games. The current streak has plopped them smack in the middle of an NFC Norris dominated playoff chase, virtually tied with the Lions (who hold the tie-breaker currently due to a better divisional record). But now…what are we gonna do?

Every team deals with injuries, our O-Line has been decimated most of the year and to be honest, they’ve been amazing in protecting Cutler with a couple has-beens and a couple more never gonna-bes. For that alone, Mike Tice deserves some accolades, or a McRib…something. But now…now what?

If you haven’t been watching, you might not have noticed our most consistent player this year, Matt Forte has basically told the Bears to go outside and play hide and go screw yourself. Who can blame him? He’s been a good solider all year, so what if he let off the gas the last few weeks…we still won. But now…I mean seriously, now what?

How do you replace someone who’s meant so much to this franchise? How do you deal with a loss of this magnitude at this critical juncture of the season? It’s not like players of this caliber are just running around doing Wrangler ads. I ask again, now what? What the hell are we going to do to replace…Patrick Mannelly? We can’t just bring in anyone to long snap…did you see Tyler Clutts trying it on the sidelines? He looked like Olin Kreutz attempting a shotgun snap…U-G-L-Y.

I hope the brain trust didn’t just shit the bed on this one, I hope they didn’t leave us unprotected in such a critical area. I seriously hope that they are not planning on just letting someone start that has never done it before in an NFL game…if so, this season could get real ugly, real quick. I’m talking Rainn Wilson naked, covered in peanut butter ugly. We could be in trouble, is what I’m saying…

Hold up a second, I had my phone off as to not interrupt me, but it’s vibrating…BRB.


Um…never mind what I was saying above, we’re screwed. Screwed, I tell ya!

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