Bears Slacker/Bad Boy Draft

D-Fresh3

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1 [19] DE Quinton Coples [North Carolina] 6'6" 284

Coples may be considered a slacker by some, but the Bears and Rod Marinelli will light a fire under his ass to make him into a worker. He will become our starting LE by the second game of preseason, and will benefit from constant double teams on Julius Peppers. The only reason he drops to us is due to the fact that some think he is a SLACKER.

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2 [50] OT Mike Adams [Ohio State] 6'7" 323

Adams never would have slid to the 50th pick but a few bong hits before the Combine showed up in his piss test. Emery will have a flashback to his time at Wayne State University and remember all the 'dope' he smoked back then, understand the mistake and end up drafting him with this pick. Adams isn't much of a step up from Webb, but any improvement will be welcomed. The only reason that Adams falls this far is due to getting caught with weed in his system, which ultimately makes him a BAD BOY.

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3 [79] CB Alfonzo Dennard [Nebraska] 5'10" 204

Dennard was at one time considered a first round pick....then he punched a cop. The last game he played in college, he got in a fight with Alshon Jefferey. Not notorious for being a BAD BOY, but he deserves the title after hitting that police officer in the face. He has the ability to cover man, and makes great plays in zone, his leaping ability is out of this world, and his physicality is top notch in this years draft at corners.

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4 [111] WR Nick Toon [Wisconsin] 6'2" 215

Toon is a solid 2nd option at receiver and can come in and play alongside Brandon Marshall and Earl Bennet immediately. He isn't the first person I thought of when trying to find SLACKERS and BAD BOYS, but he gets drafted by the Bears for one reason. He is from Wisconsin, the most run-heavy team on the face of the earth. He can run block, but he is a slacker on 3/4 of plays he is in on because all he does is block. Come on Nick...run a route once in a while SLACKER.

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5 [150] LB Vontaze Burfict [Arizona State] 6'1" 248

Burfict, like Dennard, was at one point considered a first round pick. However, he decided having a police record and a bad attitude was more important then staying clean until he got into the NFL. Burfict will benefit from having a veteran defense around him, and will become a Bears starter for years to come. Remember we have to thank him for being a BAD BOY, or else there is no way he would have dropped this far.

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The sixth and seventh round picks wont make it on the team anyway, so why should we even attempt to predict who they will draft...


**Every draft pick will be living with Brandon Marshall, and will learn from his very disciplined off-the-field lifestyle**
 

D-Fresh3

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6 [184] DT Adele [England Girls Prep School] 5'9" 280

Adele has converted from singing to run-stopping. She will drop to the 6th due to the fact that she is known for being a BAD BOY within her lyrics. Her willingness to write entire albums about exes, she has serious character issues that will need to be worked out.

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7 [???] SS Carrot Top [Florida Atlantic University] 5'9" 210

Carrot Top will drop to the seventh due to two things. one, he is a ginger. two, he is a serious SLACKER. His career has come to a complete halt due to the fact that he is such a slacker. He will undoubtedly never start, but could make a niche for himself on special teams by distracting teams with his horrible standup and hideous appearance. All-Pro special teams potential.

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Gravis

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Is carrot top...naked? -_-

At least we could turn him into our mascot like The White Mamba.
 

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