Halloween is 3 days away but, all of the major Halloween parties will be going down this weekend. If you were lazy this fall and didn’t already grab a costume, let us help you with some ideas.
While looking up ideas of my own on my Droid Bionic from Verizon in the Apps section, there were some quality apps with good costume suggestions but, I wanted to take it a step further. Despite the large array of costumes to choose from on these apps, I decided to go another route. Chicago Sports themed costumes. There should be an app for that. Somebody get on creating that.
1.) Roy Williams, WR of the Chicago Bears.
This may be a little cliche since Roy Williams seems to be the #1 go-to costume this halloween. However if you want to really 1-up the sluts dressing as Roy, we have you covered. All you need to do in order to pull off this costume, is to cut off your hands. At the bone.
2.) Devin Hester, WR/Returner of the Chicago Bears
Devin Hester is one of the most elusive players to ever play in the NFL. Judging from his intelligence in post-game interviews and issues learning Martz’s playbook, this costume is sure to be a hit at your party. When Cutler drops back and goes to throw the 15 yard comeback to Hester, he isn’t there. He ran the wrong route. If you want to pull off the Hester this halloween, simply show up to the wrong address initially. When you show up to the party late, pat your head repeatedly as if to convey “my bad”.
3.) Jay Cutler, QB of the Chicago Bears
You can go either two ways with this costume. Both ways are sure to have you fighting off the halloween slut brigade like the defensive of the Detroit Lions just 3 weeks ago. You can wear normal clothes, or a Cutler jersey, and to pull this costume off you just need to smear grass and dirt all over your back. Really get it in there good too. A charming smile and a dirt covered back, everybody will for sure know you came to the party as Cutler. If you want to take it to the next level, spend the entirety of the party laying horizontally on the floor on your back. The only downside to this amazing costume is that it can potentially cripple your party mobility and social standing. Be sure to show good body language!
4.) Carlos Boozer, F of the Chicago Bulls.
You can go as everybody’s favorite power forward! No damnit, not Scalabrine, I mean Carlos Boozer! This may be the easiest costume on the list to pull off. All you need to do is scream “GIMMIE DAT #*$&” as if you’re pulling in a rebound. This must be done as loud as you can at every opportunity. The party hostess hands you a cup of spiked punch…”GIMMIE DAT #*@&”. There are many opportunities to be had here folks.
5.) Dennis Rodman, that guy with the hair of the Chicago Bulls.
Sure, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do but it’ll be worth it. All you have to do is wear women’s clothes, preferably alongside of a pink Hulk Hogan boa, and dye your hair. You can dye your hair any color really, although Rainbow Sherbet is preferred. The only downside to this costume is people will get you mixed up with the Twilight vampire.
6.) Carlos Zambrano, P of the Chicago Cubs.
This should be easy enough to pull off baseball fans. All you must do is speak a broken version of English and carry around the bat. Every 30-45 minutes break out into a violent outburst and beat random objects at the party with said bat. You might want to check with the host or hostess of the party prior to beating the hell out of their stuff.
7.) Starlin Castro, SS of the Chicago Cubs.
The one good thing about the Cubs right? If you want to go as Starlin Castro, all you need to do is show up wearing a Starlin Castro jersey. Make sure you have 8 friends in Cub uniforms accompany you. They will play the role of overpaid free agents who don’t help the team out. You will soak up the glory and look all the much better as you surround yourself with complete losers.
8.) Ozzie Guillen, former Manager of the Chicago White Sox
How can you not love the former skipper of the Chicago White Sox? If you want to be Ozzie Guillen for halloween, little to no effort is needed. All that is required is that you speak incoherently throughout the duration of the party. If you can mix in a little bit of spanish, and a lot of cursing, your friends will be envious of how good of a job you’ve done this year.
9.) Brian Scalabrine, F (kinda) of the Chicago Bulls
Everybody loves White Mamba. If you want to be Brian Scalabrine all you need is a white headband and a great attitude. If you want to pull this costume off and have your friends raging about how awesome it is, no effort is needed. All you need to do is stand in the back of the room, anytime anything eventful happens at the party jump up and start clapping. Your supportive role of awesome teammate will really be showcased. When your buddy hits the game ending shot in Beer Pong, jump up in excitement as if Rose just dunked on Joell Anthony again. Your excitement and white headband will distance you from other costumes. Bask in the glory you sweet red-headed genius.
10.) John Scott, Defenseman of the Chicago Blackhawks.
This costume is easy. All you have to do is fight. Everybody.
In accordance with the FTC Guidelines, I am disclosing that I have received a Motorola Droid Bionic from Verizon Wireless free of charge, in return for my agreement to blog about my experiences with the Droid Bionic. Although I have a material connection to Verizon Wireless, any publicy stated opinions of Verizon Wireless and their products remain my own.