SATIRE —
The Chicago Bulls have a fan sitting in the highest office in the land.
And as we have seen by the President poking fun at the L.A. Lakers for giving up a win against his Bulls team, he seems to be a true and blue fan.
This might make us wonder, what are some of the potential advantages to having such a powerful fan of your team in the White House?
Bail Out… Luol Deng’s Contract?
Perhaps the President can use some of that 800 billion dollars of Federal bail-out money to help Jerry Reinsdorf buy out Luol Deng’s enormous contract?
Nah, we kid, we kid. You know we love you, Lu!
Make MJ Mayor Of Chicago
Move over, Rahm Emanuel.
If President Obama wants to find a man that the people of Chicago want as their mayor, look to no other than His Airness.
It sure would beat watching his Charlotte Bobcats get pounded on a near nightly basis…
Derrick Rose: Secretary Of Stylin’
Maybe Barack could find a replacement, for interim Chief of Staff, Pete Rouse in D-Rose. After all, Barack does seem to prefer giving out seats in the White House to fellow Chicagoans—why not a fellow South Sider?
He may want to consider changing the job title from Chief of Staff to “Secretary of Stylin'” though. As Joakim Noah said, despite Derrick’s soft-spoken demeanor off-the-court, his swag is ridiculous when he goes to work.
Appoint Phil Jackson Governor Of Illinois
President Obama was not shy to bring up the fact that Phil Jackson has won one more title with the Chicago Bulls than he has with the Los Angeles Lakers at a charity photo-op just over a week ago.
If Obama somehow appointed the “Zen Master” as the governor of Illinois, his home state would certainly have a winner to lead it for once.
And even if Phil ends up like his predecessors and has to do hard time, at least he would no longer be winning NBA hardware…
Place State Of Florida With Income Tax
Maybe D-Wade and King James would reconsider the choice of picking “South Beach” over the Chicago Bulls when the state of Florida has to pay the same income tax rates as the rest of the nation…
That could definitely leave the two super stars feeling “like a Bosh.”
Make Illegal Screens… Illegal
How many times have you seen Kevin Garnett, of the Boston Celtics, jump out or move while setting a pick for a teammate?
The answer is probably close to the same number of times which he has set one…
If the referees aren’t going to blow their whistles for it, maybe the Commander-in-Chief should take matters into his own hand, and actually make illegal screens against the law.
Dedicate a Section Of Health Care Bill For Boozer/Noah
Both of the Bulls’ big men are important assets to the team as they look to make a playoff push.
But, unfortunately, neither are a stranger to the injury bug.
Maybe President Obama can write-in a section of the health care overhaul with the sole purpose in mind of preventing further injuries to the Bulls’ front court, and keeping Joakim and the Boozington ready to play.
Pardoning Benny The Bull
Whether he is fighting on the Jerry Springer show, resisting arrest by punching a cop in the face, or getting sued for giving a Chicago dentist an over-exubrent high five… it seems that the beloved Bulls’ mascot cannot stay out of legal trouble for very long.
Thankfully, it seems that Benny the Bull may have a friend in the White House to bail him out of trouble.
Sign Executive Order To Put Dennis Rodman In The Hall Of Fame
If the President is a true and blue Bulls’ fan, we should not be surprised to see him pull some strings or make some phone calls to get the greatest rebounder of all-time, “The Worm,” in the 2011 Basketball Hall of Fame.
Move Guantanamo Bay To MSG
They have been talks of moving the detention center, for suspected terrorists and war criminals, out of Cuba and onto the mainland ever since President Obama took office.
Perhaps the perfect new location would be Madison Square Garden.
If this came true, it would beg the question:
Where do ya wanna play now, ‘Melo?
Rami Abboud
Let’s Talk Lineups
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1 Comment
this is funny stuff man, keep it up. The Worm needs to be in the Hall of Fame!!!